I know. When I told people I was going to a Mindful Masturbation workshop I got many strange looks, guffaws and comments like,"the weirdest people are going to be there!"
I get it.
But when did we become so disconnected to our deepest truth-----our sexuality?
Women, and men alike, have been conditioned to turn away from ourselves. We view our sexuality and sensuality as this taboo subject that shouldn't be discussed even though we ALL experience and express it in some fashion. We are yearn for deep sexual connection- and usually we look for that outside of ourselves.
Whenever I am out walking around town, all I can think about is other people's sex stories. How we all came from an orgasm only to grow up to create our own orgasms. Our sexuality is what drives so many of our behaviours and actions in this world- yet we ignore it under the veil of modern society and decorum.
This is only skimming the surface of our sexuality. If we really want to understand our sexuality, we also have to understand the WHY and the HOW of what we do: the processes at play underneath our behaviour. That's a discussion for another time which I will gladly go into every juicy detail.
So I have been actively pursuing ways to FEEL more just for myself. To understand the depths of my own sexuality and sensuality in order to shed more light on a topic that is so uncomfortable for people as well as heal my myself. It is such an essential part of our lives (Thank you reptilian brain).
I signed my girlfriend and I up for this Mindful Masturbation evening workshop through The Academy- a tantra school located in Calgary, Canada.
Armed with a token that represented our femininity (I had my mala from India and my yoni egg) we entered a basement yoga room where 10 blanket yoga stations were arranged in a circle. In the middle were tea lights, rose petals and what looked to be like a zen/tantric style pentagram. It all felt very pagan, sacred, divine.
Other women trickled in excited by the mystery of it all. The teacher guided us through 3 hours of sensual practice.
After an opening meditation and intention setting for the session we shared our approaches/experiences/feelings towards masturbation. I learned that many of us approach masturbation as we do sex--in a very linear, masculine way. Get aroused then get off. A+B=C.
But feminine pleasure doesn't work in the way, our teacher told us, because of the conditioning we grow up in. We aren't taught as women how to truly receive, to relax, to take our time, to peak and come down only to peak again. We have a really tough time giving to ourselves and receiving from others.
Don't get me wrong- masculine style sex is so hot and needed. But it is important to explore the mysterious depths of our feminine sensuality. It is so powerful.
We breathed into our Yoni's by canister breathing with a rolled up mat underneath our low back. Inhaling, we filled our belly's to fill our canisters and consciously thought about how our Yoni's felt from the inside.
This built to a technique called sounding. Exhaling our moans, our fire breath, our frustrations, our desires. We arched our backs. We moved our hips. We felt our bodies.
We grooved to tantric beats seductively. We dove headfirst into what our bodies we feeling and let our bodies lead us. Once or twice I caught myself thinking, I could be at home eating popcorn and watching Netflix. But to what end? Sexuality too needs to be cultivated and nurtured, much like our mental and physical health.
We laid around a lot and rested. Made notes on what feelings came up.
We held bolsters, closed our eyes, and felt our fingers touching every inch of the bolster. With different parts of our hands. Paying attention to the sensation in our fingertips. How touching brought so much pleasure and receiving the touch brought even more. I was giving and receiving to myself. It was a trip!
I know what your are thinking. This all seems so ridiculous. So out there. That you couldn't possibly make the time to do any of these practices.That even if you did them they would feel so foreign, that you may not feel anything.
Consider this quote from Dr. Nicole LaPera: "It is through creating habits & cultivating discipline that we leave the subconscious mind in order to create a new version of the self."
We have the discipline to eat well, be physically active, maybe meditate here and there. So we know we can cultivate the discipline to build ritual, space, for our sexuality. In fact, I believe this to be this missing link for the mind-body connection.
LaPera continues, "our subconscious mind is incredibly powerful. It's programming. It's familiar autopilot we run on. The pull is so strong, it will keep us in mental shackles our entire lives [...] Every single time you get past the mental chatter and do an intentional act, you leave the programming."
So what sexual programming shackles you?
What thoughts have a hold over your body? Your sexuality? Your desires?
After my experience with mindful masturbation I have seen the light! Reconnecting with my pussy is the way to my higher self. Radical acts to pour self love back into myself so I can continue to bring love and light into this world.
Stay tuned for more tantric spirituality.
The Psychedelic Gypsy Queen.