When I am Still...

When I am Still...

Today is an absolutely beautiful perfect morning at home. Golden sunlight comes  through the windows and makes everything in my home look so simple and beautiful and magical. The air outside is that perfect crisp winter air that feels refreshing in your lungs. I have no where to be until 5pm. The day is mine. I make some coffee and plan my day. 

As I sit sipping my coffee in silence just taking in my calm and perfect surroundings, I don’t feel perfect. I feel like something is missing....from me...my heart and soul. I feel sadness and old emotions coming up. I know I have to sit here in these feelings. I have to feel them and then work through them and let them go. Today I don’t understand why I feel this way. Today I wish I felt differently. How could I of been “on top of the world” for the last three weeks and now, all of a sudden, I feel I’ve been pulled backwards?

I know there is a reason and something I must learn. This is the messy part of love and life. The part that makes me want to give up and throw the towel in. The part I can’t fucking stand. The part where I feel incomplete and out of control. The part where I can’t stop the tears and negativity. This is the part where I fight and grow. These are the important parts of life.

This is when I meditate and write. This is when I breathe and feel. This is when I make lists of all that I’m grateful for. This is when I go inward and feel my soul and my true purpose.

This is where the love and all the answers lie. This is where I remember that I am whole, strong, full of light and fight, and I’m amazing just the way I am.

Sometimes you just have to be still and go inward and BREATHE. Everything is working out for my true self and my highest good.

And it is for you as well.


These words brought me great comfort today....

"New life. Nothing wasted. No failure. Love never fails. Never, never. Love is messy and beautiful and brutal -and real love, the dangerous kind- it changes us. It makes us new. I am new. And I am ready to begin again.

-Glennon Doyle


Take care,

Ashley VenHuizen 


Ashley lives in Stockholm Illinois and owns RxFitness. She is a small town girl who loves adventures and wants to continue to explore the connection between fitness, food and frame of mind. 


Editor's Note:

If you'd like to be a guest contributor to the Psychedelic Gypsy Fitness platform please email me at psychedelicgypsyfitness@gmail.com. Your insights and stories need to be heard to help others reconnect and to create unity among us. 

The Psychedelic Gypsy Queen

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  • You’re right Jane we are not alone. We are all living out an emotion that we have experienced before. When I think in these terms I can have more compassion for strangers and loved ones.

    • Emily
  • Thank you for sharing these words of wisdom and truth Ashley. They help me more than I can ever say. Most of all, it helps to me to know that I’m not alone when those sad feelings and emotions come and thanks to you, steps I can take to help myself get through those times. XOXO

    • Jane Reedy